ME:
Sorry yet again for the delay, my friend. It’s just so overwhelming everything I have to address in each email. Not something that can be rushed. That’s how strong these emails are. It’s not one of the many short emails crusty Collins and I exchange in which I demand free coupons and he demands money via paypal. Nor are these emails like they were when we merely exchanged ever-developing pictures of our cocks back in 2005. Heh.

Anyways, I found some extra unrushed time today where I’m actually on my moms laptop instead of the ipod. And there’s less stress today because I’ve been reading a lot of Patrick King e-books on my Nook. I’m flying right through them, bro. And to say the least, I feel twice as calm than I normally would on a given day dealing with my alcoholism and hectic love life and the neverending baby mama drama. All I know is that we both sued eachother for child support and i proved to the judge with paperwork that i’ve had my son approximately 72% of his life, yet I still have to pay out, even retroactive pay because my income is like 3 times as much as her filthy lying ass. I have a custody hearing on the 20th, and even if I were to get majority custody, for example, say 6 days a week, she would still get a monthly payment from me all because shes at minimum income. can you believe that shit. After the hearing on the 20th, the other judge, the child support judge wants me to file a motion for delinquincy meaning that I’m going to have the child support reassessed and the retroactive pay (i owe her 3000 lmao especially for me having custody the majority of his life) refigured because i forgot about the 3 month stint in jail she did for choking me to death. so hopefully that does some damage control but i doubt it!

As for my love life, I’m with a “thicker” girl now. Believe it or not, my last 4 girlfriends were slender/fit. I just met this new broad at the local german restaurant. My dad and I normally go to their pub on wednesdays because we’re mug club members. My dad was drunk and was ecstatic OHHH YOU NEED A BABY SITTER FRANK…. hey you over there.. you baby sit right? LOL my dad got me her number. 3 days later i invite her out for a drink after work and we hit it off. It’s just that shes smothering me. From the get go I got too much shit to deal with plus I’m going to rehab shortly. This broad tried to move in with me which i initially encourage then decided not a good idea lol. Then she had her chiwahauahs staying here regularly but I finally banned them because they kept peeing on my floor. I told her from the get we’re taking it slow. we’re older and not young. we’re not stupid. get your emotions in check. let the honeymoon phases pass and see if you can ride the comfort stage into something worth living for. So tonight’s her birthday. After work shes coming here and were going to go out I guess. I feel like a nigger because I have no money this week. I spent it on her gift card and the wine bottle wine glass gag gift. So she’s going to end up paying everything. Plus it’s been shaky lately. She likes me more than I like her. All I do is drink and now i’m smoking again. I still increased my mile to almost below 6 and i’m also deadlifting 495 even after i bruised my ribcage from the rollover crash. Last week I was waiting at my other bar for the new girl to get out of work, and she gets so jealous/insecure because I was sitting with 2 blond cash money gold digging skanks looking like pamela anderson. I don’t know about you, bro, but i’m at a point that the majority of women can be replaced. There’s a select few that pass your life by but you find yourself realizing the timing just wasnt right for you to make your move holding equal value deep down in your mind as her.

Anyways yeah that’s my life right now. I want to shoot myself in the head, then cut my baby mamas throat for using my kid as a pawn.

But before this final face mask dries up, let me address what you wrote about your marvelous life:

I’m pretty proud of you actually manning up and taking initiative. Organizing the logistics of your whole departure from what was holding your real self from becoming whole.

Of course you have regrets, but do you actually want to move back with Jen, or are those feelings strictly 100% because of your daughter. The truth of the matter is, it’s going to get messy if you keep giving it the benefit of the doubt to work. I know my experiences are like a diamond at a really fancy diamond store, but you have to believe me when I say YOU NEED TO LAY DOWN THE HAMMER ON THAT BITCH AND ON YOUR LIFE AS SOON AS YOU CAN. Go forward with your life and stand firm. You know why? As soon as you soften up a bit, perhaps after a certain weekend visit, your mind gets going and you start giving in to Jen. But the truth of the matter is that, for the most part, people are who they are, they don’t fucking change and why should they. All I’m saying is you gotta get a grip on moving your life forward away from Jen, because as long as you throw feelings of regret at her, all it does is soften you up and put you in a vulnerable LEGAL state where she can fuck with you and use your kid as a bigger pawn than at first possible. Get your shit together. Don’t let it happen. Cry later. The alternative where Jen is wearing the pants of your familys emotions will come back to be far worse than if you clearheadedly handled it like a man with 2 cocks glued together. Dont end up like me right now, man. She has all the power because I gave it to her. Fact is when shit hits the fan, and when that shit is dovetailed to an emotionally psychotic canadian mind, parents are capable of anything. You need to protect yourself, my niggur. Pull out the gat, so to speak!

Pull yourself out of this directionless state of limbo. I just did after being in this sludge for the last week. Break it down. One day, one task at a time. Just make more money so you can get a little further. Sounds like you’re having the typical midlife expectations of most. Who cares if you actually go backwards in life by the time youre 35. So what. Its not so bad. The expectations you lodge over yourself is what is paralyzing you from actually making clear, decisive choices and progressing.

And let real life friends come to you. Fuck sitting in a puddle of your sorrow because you don’t have a real social life.

I rather be peepless than fake

And I’ll look into this snapchat you speak of. All I got right now is facetime under this email addy.

1

RYAN:
Rezod I’m probably gonna keep this frank my run down loft is drafty as all fuckin hell so I’m at my desk against my will to type this. I read your email on my phone a couple feet from the heater just moments ago so I excused myself from streaming simpsons to tend to this while I got the mind to

I’m not giving in to Jen and I know I need to move on with my life for myself and for my daughter but she’s got me bent the fuck over dude….basically if I don’t give her a relationship romantically she’s not going to let me see my daughter. She insists on making it work with us but she wants my complete unbridled loyalty to not fuck 19 year olds. I don’t remember if I mentioned it but I took hours of recordings of her at her most abusive before I left as proof of what a fucking psycho she becomes completely unprovoked without argument and in front of our daughter. Stacked with her psychiatric history and losing custody of her first kid she got scared and served me before I left. She has nothing on me and the paperwork is just about blank….she just wants to establish full custody. Because our girl was born in Canada this all needs to take place in Canada…..she’s a broke fucking bum and has been her whole life so her lawyer expenses are completely covered by the province of Ontario. To take her on would cost me thousands of dollars that I don’t have to get a canadian family lawyer. I don’t even have a car right now to go see my daughter. Only reason she can afford a car is because her parents bought her one at 36. She’s a bonafide mental patient and she holds all the cards right now

She acknowledges how much our daughter needs me and loves me but she can’t separate herself from the equation, her emotions/illness overrides all rational thought. I want a healthy co-parenting relationship and she just refuses it. Meanwhile she acts as if full time parenting of a 2 year old is crushing the ever loving fucking soul out of her and she’s the only person on earth to ever do it and yet she won’t give me my own time with her out of pride. She’s a fucking monster dude. I signed my entire 20’s away to this bitch and she’s slated to get another 15 out of me. I’m already doing the noble thing of uprooting my sick life in la la land to live in fuck wad Buffalo for the unforeseeable future and it’s just a total fucking waste of time because she’s got nothing better to do. I guess my plan is to kiss her ass for however much longer I need to get her to settle out of court and give me at least weekends just so I have something legally binding so she can’t dangle my daughter over my head for the rest of my life just because I don’t have the money to take her to fucking court

And as far as my life aside from all that shit….it’s as if I’ve just woke up out of some kinda 10 year coma dude….like fresh out of high skool where to go from here?? What would you do had you not enlisted?? I don’t know enough people to steer me towards anything man. I’ve got the ambition to work I just don’t got a fuckin clue what to work at. I really wish I would have perpetuated an illness in my younger years to better give me a leg up from Uncle Sam but I don’t know that I got any other than this lousy EBT plan where I still end up stealing a bunch of shit anyway because eating well costs more than a measly $194 a month. The weight of the world is crushing me and I don’t even leave my apartment. Fact is I gotta start generating income and stop talking about it soon because at this rate I can wind up literally broke and at the mercy of Jen to move back in or beg family for money which I’ve never done in my life. My friend Big Bennett Bionic was working at Jack n the Box and selling cd’s for 5 bucks on the street at 30…..10 years later he drives a BMW and can afford a 2k a month apartment. Hoping my 95WPM will put me ahead of the pack at the temp agency but I really should pursue a 2 year degree shouldn’t I? Like some kinda x ray technician??? What field do you intend to work in once you dry out?? I was thinking when fancielad inherits his dad’s hotel business he can give me a nice high ranking managerial position as thank you for getting him the only wife he was ever going to get but to date he hasn’t ever really seemed appreciative of it or rather given me any credit. He gave me his cable subscription log in so I could watch hbo go and ESPN on my Roku but he says he doesn’t even remember doing that. I don’t know that I can put my future in a guy’s hands who seemed to second guess giving me his TV log in