My life has been an emotional rollercoaster ever since I got out of jail earlier this year. Initially you embrace the freedom, but eventually you go back to the way you are. Here I live day by day, with no hope before me, as I bear witness to the emptiness of this life; and it’s just getting emptier and more meaningless right before my very eyes.

Should I snap the fuck out of it and pretend to tread onward? Should I fool myself and gravitate toward companionship? Honestly, the same existential theme and the answers to its questions reverberate well into the beginnings of this website: it all ends the same.

I don’t want friends. I don’t need them. Women? I just want to fuck them, in general. Sometimes I like to fool myself into wanting friends or wanting female companionship, but the reality of that desire is borne from the fear of loneliness. That sinking feeling you get when you see all the happy people out there connecting with one another is a feeling based on a lack thereof. You think you need to be cool and build your network for some bigger social purpose, to get in where you fit in, but that is nothing short of a myth. The scarcity principle says that something which is lacking on the market creates more value. Real, deep-seated friendship and romantic companionship is hard to come by these days. People tend to interact from the surface. That sinking feeling you get when you see everybody on facebook getting married and having kids is the biggest fucking lie of this generation. Everybody wants to be “that guy” if only to sugarcoat to the world how happy and popular and fun and respected they are. We try so hard to be “that guy” that we befriend people we don’t really like and date girls we don’t really want. Our desires/needs have been tainted with this generation’s sense of urgency and desperation to fit in.

Do I really want to date one chick? Mother nature says nope. Could there be a chick out there that is worth the monogamy? Yup: Jessica Alba with her mouth bolted shut lols. There’s simply a scarcity of game changers out there. So I am what I am: that monster addicted to the novelty of new women. Not only that, but I’m also that dude who is sick and tired of being fucked with.

You know how there’s some people out there that just want to rub it in and make your life even more hell than it actually should be? Like they already won and you suffered enough, but they just want to stick you even further? Yeah. My ex-gf for ya.

Sometimes you just gotta let go of things you can’t control. It’s the narcissism and how you like to fool yourself that’s got you fucked up. You think you need this. You think you need to be this way. If it weren’t for so and so I’d be doing better. Fuck that line of thinking, because I’m done crawling through life.

The solution is to gracefully let go of the outcome. When you can tap into that pure, authentic expression, things are suddenly effortless. In other words, suicide dive off that ivory tower pls. Shatter that ego.